To a New Beginning

Well it is 10.46p.m and I am sitting her wondering why I have no though about making something to express myself with no one laughing. I am listoning to talor swift and loveing that I have time to write.  I spend the night thinking about my life and where am I going. Yesterday I had such a good baking day and it felt like no one was their and I felt like I was in heaven. No one understands that cooking is my way out. just knowing that I will be here on day or not makes the world worth living. Knowing that you can change an outlook just by making someone day with just making them bread to say that you love them make the world seem right. I know that I am far away from perfect but just knowing that today I am alive to see my husband get mad over a football game makes me laugh. People do not understand why I am the way I am.

The reason why I do not have friends is they do not know what Diana their going to get that day.  I could be the happy, crazy,mad, and just rude. I never knew people though that of me. A ok friend told me that she likes me but never knows what mood i be in when she here and that i can be rude. To anyone that I hurt I am so sorry. I know that people have bad things that happened in their lives but I was never taught to handle them. To my loved ones that read this I love you all and I know that it is not enough but I getting help.

As for today it is a new blog for the first time and a new start. As I am crocheting a blanket for my bed it just not a blanket for me. Each line is one of my pain that I trying to let go and start again with a fresh start. Not knowing what will happen tomorrow.
chain one -my husband that I hurt
Chain two-friends that i hurt
chain three -brakedown
chain four- surgury
chain five and six- my weigth
chain seven- depressed
chain eight- felling sorry for myself
chain nine- joyment for tara baby
chain ten- cleaning
chain 11-15- cooking
chain 16 - love
chain 18- gaining my strenght
chain 19- cleaning again
chain 20-losing my father
chain 21- losing my mother
chain 22- making each day count
Chain 23- doctor told me I can not conceive due to my medical reasons
chain 24- my mother in law so sad
chain 25- homework
chain 26- to another day
That all i chains i have now but their more to come that I have to deal with one day at a time.

Love you always,
Diana