Vacation

This week has been a tough week for me since I am on new medication and now I am not so use to the hot anymore. I know that it been a long time since I have written but it been a bad month. I was in the hospital again and it was horrible. Than when i got out I had to pack for vacation and clean my house cause I had my brother in law stay at my house while we were out of town. This all was a lot for me to handle. This week I have been going and going I fell like the engineering bunny. For people that know me I have one good day and one bad day and this on vacation is not an option. So while I have my bad days I do dot tell anyone and just pray that I can get though it. Today is a bad day and it been hard since we are not going and going so now I had some time for myself and that is the worst thing for me since I do not need that ( Doctors orders) I need to keep on going and for me just to sit here and wait is like putting a shot gun to my head and say pull. Well I am not alone I have Jacks mom with me. This day better get better cause if it does not I am going to have an attack any minute. Jack mom does not know what to do so should I tell her or not?

I want to SCREAM!

Well i just found out that my husband has everything else on his mind beside what we use to want. Well I am so pissed off at him and my doctor I want to scream. It not fair that I have to put up with this and I know it all about marriage and what the other person thinks is important to you but what if they are not thinking straight. I want to just kill myself and get it over with so no one has to deal with poor little DIANA!

Horriable day at Doctors

WOW What a day at doctors. My doctor yelled at me today for following the direction from another doctor that I been seeing for more years than her. When this medication made me so sick and I could not even stand. NOW have a new medication fluphenazine that might be good for me instead. Now I have a new medication that might be good or bad. I hate people being disappointed in me and that i now feel guilty for not telling her soon what my other doctor told me to so. I hope that this medication does not have a bad reaction!

sick

The past two to three days I been sick with stomach pain and nausea. I hate feeling this way. I drinking gingerale  and it not working. I wish that i felt better than normal. This is not working today keep on going back and forth to the bathroom(TMI i know) I just feel sick and i hope that I'm not coming back with that stomach pain again. I know that this sucks and that i hope that it will go away. I hope that this will go away but when I looked it online it says I'm pregnant but I know that is not right. This sucks!

Exciting day

Today I was proud of myself that i kicked out my husband for like fifteen minutes so he would not bother me while i was doing homework. This worked since my homework is done for today. I know that he upset that I did that but he needed to get out. Now we are relaxing all day. Jack can see the t.v a little and now is not causing me any problem. Very thirsty today and have a big day tomorrow. Well today was not a bad day lets see how my sleep goes.

Better Day

today was a better day. Jack went to the doctors and found out that he has to be out for another week. This is a week that from hell. Jack been home keep me distracted and now i lost my routine.Been having days that I wish that just would go away. I not being getting any sleep cause i been having night terrors.  I wonder why i been not know that this would ever stop. I know that i glad that Im alive but my brain is killing me. I know that we cant keep contact on our brain it has a mind of its own but i would like to keep knowledge that I will not kill myself this week. It so hard and i been though my medical can not work. What is wrong with my life and I can not believe that something like this can happen to be since all that I can think of. 

Going Crazy

TODAY I HAD TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CAR! God was on his side when he was in the wreck. I am having so many problems trying to take care of myself and him. I want him home but not all brused like he is. This is going to be one hell of a week. I hate that I can be well enough and I have not had time to release. I have to be strong and I going to enjoy just that my husband is safe. I do not want to complain but I want to do more for my husband and I think that i an not.

Depression

This week has been a hard one I want to say congratz to my sister Tara for getting pregnant. I know that I love her and is so happy but why can I not have a baby? I want to have a baby and we are trying but I not ever going to have a baby without help and I can not seen not to cry every time i hear that someone else is pregnant. It not that I am not happy for that person is just a hit into my heart that I can not get what they have and they do not have to go though what I am going though. I know that i can pray as much as I can but the fact is that I am different and I can not believe that I am having so many problems. Knowing that I can not have a baby makes me cry due to that we are trying and I can not have a baby. I know that I love my husband and that since I am bio-polar it causes it hard problems with the baby issue and having my medication going wrong. 

Question of day

If you think that you done your best and someone tells you that you did not use simple spell check would you be mad?

June 10,2011

Today is a great day! This week has been hell since i been sick to due my medication being counteracting.  Life is tough but it is another day to fight. I know that a lot of people do not read this but I know that there is people out there that know how I feel and want to listen. Bio-polar is hard to control and now that I adding that I want to get pregnant It just making matter harder for me and now I have to pull back from having a baby due to medication. Life sucks that I an 26 years old and all I do is stay at home , get sick all the time(due to medication) and do school. What more can I do but say that the baby is on the side and my heath comes first!!!!