Tired of feeling sick

i never been so mad that my medication is making me week and sick. Now i have another problem that causes me to bleed and it sucks. Now I sitting on the cauch and felling like nothing is working. i CAN not feel weak anymore. This sucks since i wanted to so a lot today.

Fingers Hurting

My fingers are hurting since i was so relaxed crocheting. I love that tonight that I was was so relaxed that i could sit and enjoy my night. I did so much today that i needed a night that i could relax. i never thought that I would ever relax than i did tonight. I cleaned out my storage unit today that took me two hours. I finally got all my Christmas things out.  I know where I want to put a tree but i have to make sure that it will fit. I want a small one if it will fit. I going to move my dvd stand and the toaster oven stand and a tree will fit. I just have to figure our where else to put them so I can find a tree with this small roof. I love decorating for Christmas but I cant go with out a tree. I know that I can count on my mom to help me figure it out. Even if i get a real tree I going to use my bread money to find a real one that will fit. i better take my mom out. Jack told me that it was ok since that one tradition that I wanted to keep for us. My husband is so sweet that he cares about me that I am happy that he cares about me. I know that he always there for me and that I can count on him.

I know that tonight that I will have no nightmears like last night. I had one horriable night that that i screamed and ran for jack. Maybe that why i do not want to go to sleep I took my medication two hours ago and im not tired. What the heck can I do to have a better night.

SOMETHING NEW

Each day we strive for something new and exciting but somedays it the same old same old. Today was the first day i felt like a normal person. Having fun with family and friends. Making someone shower special and show her love. Making a mom laugh after she spills coffee on you. Today I felt like I Diana and it was great and tiring. Tara is a wonderful sister and she had two great and loving parents and I know she and Adam will be the same. Only if I was luck to have those people growing up my life would of not been horrible. Not only did I gain a great, wonderful and caring husband but a family that loves, cares no matter who you are. Even I on the go me. My parents brought me into this world but my husband and he parents raised me to be who I want to be. A loving person who strong and has fun with family. I could of not asked for a better day or a better family to be married into. I thank God that I was so lucky to have found my husband. today I did two rows of my blanket and the first one goes to a mom that should win the mom of the year. The second goes to my husband that had been strong through my struggles and is still their. Tara baby shower was the best thing that could of happened to be. It opened my eyes that even though I can not talk to people about my problem their praying for me to get better.  I feel the love and heart filled that I should be so lucky to have them in my life. Even if I have a poppy head father in law that makes me laugh.

project day

today i sleep till 3p.m since i was so tired my sleep i lost caught up with me. I woke up and made chicken parm. Than after dinner I finished three papers and was wondering on a project for Tara. I found something new to make and it coming out cute. So I took a brake on the blanket and worked on something else to keep my mind off of thing.

another day

Today was a very bad day since I did not go to bed till 2 last night and woke up around noon. When I work up I did not feel feel so i stayed in bed most of the day. Not knowing what the day will bring I stayed in bed since 3p.m. and i got up due to that i had to cook dinner. Steak and roasted potatoes yummy. I fell asleep on my husband today and just feel drained all day. Not know that today is a little harder today than yesterday. I know that today will be better but I only did one row today
row 27- depressed and in bed today!!!

To a New Beginning

Well it is 10.46p.m and I am sitting her wondering why I have no though about making something to express myself with no one laughing. I am listoning to talor swift and loveing that I have time to write.  I spend the night thinking about my life and where am I going. Yesterday I had such a good baking day and it felt like no one was their and I felt like I was in heaven. No one understands that cooking is my way out. just knowing that I will be here on day or not makes the world worth living. Knowing that you can change an outlook just by making someone day with just making them bread to say that you love them make the world seem right. I know that I am far away from perfect but just knowing that today I am alive to see my husband get mad over a football game makes me laugh. People do not understand why I am the way I am.

The reason why I do not have friends is they do not know what Diana their going to get that day.  I could be the happy, crazy,mad, and just rude. I never knew people though that of me. A ok friend told me that she likes me but never knows what mood i be in when she here and that i can be rude. To anyone that I hurt I am so sorry. I know that people have bad things that happened in their lives but I was never taught to handle them. To my loved ones that read this I love you all and I know that it is not enough but I getting help.

As for today it is a new blog for the first time and a new start. As I am crocheting a blanket for my bed it just not a blanket for me. Each line is one of my pain that I trying to let go and start again with a fresh start. Not knowing what will happen tomorrow.
chain one -my husband that I hurt
Chain two-friends that i hurt
chain three -brakedown
chain four- surgury
chain five and six- my weigth
chain seven- depressed
chain eight- felling sorry for myself
chain nine- joyment for tara baby
chain ten- cleaning
chain 11-15- cooking
chain 16 - love
chain 18- gaining my strenght
chain 19- cleaning again
chain 20-losing my father
chain 21- losing my mother
chain 22- making each day count
Chain 23- doctor told me I can not conceive due to my medical reasons
chain 24- my mother in law so sad
chain 25- homework
chain 26- to another day
That all i chains i have now but their more to come that I have to deal with one day at a time.

Love you always,
Diana